Wow! That statement could not be more true!!
Just over 6 months ago I walked into a healthier, happier, more joyous life.
I don’t share many of the negative details of what caused me to walk out of my 15 year relationship and the impact it had on me and my health, both physically and mentally. All I will say is it was eye opening and heartbreaking for me.
It forced me to accept the truth, the reality of how things were and leaving was the only option left for me, for my healing. Walking out of that relationship was truly one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do, physically and mentally…but it’s what I had to do for ME, to heal and get healthy. I do not for one minute regret my choice.
Alcoholism coupled with Crohn’s disease became a deadly combination for me
Looking back I can see clearer the negative impact that relationship had on me and my health; I can see just how far down it took me and my health. Alcoholism coupled with Crohn’s disease became a deadly combination for me. BUUUUUT I. AM. COMING. BACK!!! I am healing!! While I continue to work on my physical health, I am also actively working on my mental health. I am working on releasing my anger, my anxiety and fears, my resentments, my heartbreak, my false self images and beliefs; really anything that is no longer serving me.
To break these old patterns of belief and survival that are no longer serving me, I am:
- Practicing yoga, focusing on yoga nidra at least once a week with my friend Jennifer Miles, twice if it’s a really good week
- Reiki sessions with my favorite Reiki Master, Reiki Joe
- Meditating, using breath work and adding mantras
- Adequate alone time to quietly sit and feel my feelings and emotions as they come up
- I am writing forgiveness letters and then burning them
- Learning to reframe my thinking and perspective during my counseling sessions and through Al-anon meeting and talking with my sponsor
- Continuing to eat foods that support my total health; you are what you eat
- Continuing to read, research and learn as much as I can about addiction, forgiveness, healing and cannabis
In the months since my last up date I have:
I finished 30 days of 1 full gram of RSO per day and the results…
• I am easily maintaining my weight, on the low end, but I can maintain it with ease.
• No chronic joint pain
• I have continued to reduce my daily smoking. What I use to go through in a week now lasts @ 2 weeks…*healthier environment = less anxiety/ stress = less symptom aggravation = less trips to the bathroom = less need to smoke to deal with issues/ symptoms…now if I can just get my fatigue and stamina to improve?!?!
• Energy levels are great when I have them! However, my energy still depletes quickly; I require periods of rest during the day
• Maintenance dose of RSO is at 0.6 g or 600mg per day; I take 3 capsules containing @0.2 g of RSO each day. (3 x 0.2 = 0.6)
Before RSO
After RSO
HOME SWEET HOME
I moved back into my townhouse! Before I actually moved back in, I had mixed feelings and emotions about moving back into my townhouse. I purchased my home 15 years ago just as my Ex and I started dating. I have many wonderful memories of living there with my Ex and our kiddos. Those memories are more good than bad, so I was nervous that I would have trouble living there again, that it would painful mentally and emotionally…but its not! The townhouse has been remodeled and physically changed since we moved out 4-5 years ago so it feels like I moved into a new home…moving back in I realized how much I have missed my townhouse.
I am happy to be back, it feels good, it feels like home! I LOVE it! I am living with one of my cousins and we both are absolutely loving it!! Our daughters were college roommates and now we are roommates lol! We both had kids before 20 years old, so when we were younger, during our 20’s/ college years, neither of us got to live as single women with roommates…my college roommates were my toddler and my parents!!
Living with my cousin has been great for my mental health…we laugh, a lot, like all the time. Laughter is the best medicine! We are finding the fun, the joy in settling into our new lives. We both can get emotional and have difficult or awkward moments of not knowing what to do with ourselves…both of us are not full time moms anymore, we are single and starting our lives over; working through stuff and healing. We have been a great support for each other, I am so lucky and blessed to have her!
When I say
“I’m going to the toilet”
My dogs hear:
“Family meeting, assemble now!”
As a bonus, she has a little dog, Chanel. Now my boy Blue has a playmate, but don’t worry, he still keeps me company on my bathroom trips, now it’s “3’s company”
In fact, my cousin and I hosted a 4th of July gathering with our family at our place. We played, swam, ate, enjoyed homemade ice cream (mine was paleo of course; paleo vanilla ice cream)…all great things for my mental/ emotional healing and well being!
I thought I would be sad or feel left out…but I was not
This year was the first time in 15 years I was not with my Ex’s family up north for the holiday . I thought I would be sad or feel left out from not do our usual 4th of July tradition, but I was not…4th of July turned out to be one of the happiest most relaxed holidays I have had in years! I was able to get plenty of rest with no stress so no aggravation of my symptoms which meant I could actually enjoy the day- physically, mentally and emotionally!
An upsetting incident occurred as we were moving into the townhouse. I had a negative reaction to something that aggravated my Crohn’s symptoms and I started having issues; joints started hurting, increased bathroom trips, increased abdominal pain, rash appearing on my neck, sores on my face inflamed and painful, etc…really it’s was like a total flare up. I survived thanks to cannabis! (And to the Emergency formula form AltWaters and by getting a reset at Absolute Health-more on those another time).
Cannabis help to manage the aggravated symptoms, the pain and my emotions/ mental health. I still find my body’s reaction to things frustrating! My standard go to is a 1:1 strain. High CBD strains and 1:1’s are hard to find in general so I smoke what I can find. Currently I am smoking Rosaberry. It has 7% THC & 7% CBD.There are times that I mix in a higher THC if I feel I need a bit more…it all depends on what my body feels and needs. Its about being healthy, not high.
What’s in the water?
I live in the Phoenix area; it’s summer and currently daytime highs are over 100 degrees. I suffer from chronic diarrhea. Combine the 2, and it is a struggle to stay hydrated.
Proper hydration is vital for overall health-physical and mental. Over the last several months, I have started adding biosalt from Altwaters to my water (instead of buying bottled electrolyte water). I actually add a pinch of the biosalt to all my beverages now (smoothies, teas, juices) because dehydration impacts your total health, including your mental health and your thinking. Here is a description of biosalt and vs other salts:
BioSALT: Biochemically Balanced
*Active Ingredients
Sodium Chloride Zinz Oxide Manganese Sulphate Potassium Chloride Potassium Iodide Chromimum Picollnate Tricalcium Phosphate Ferrous Fumarate Trace Minerals from Sea Salt Magnesium Oxide Copper Gluconate
BioSALT is a triturated homeopathic compound preparation, biochemically balanced to correspond to the normal saline content of healthy human plasma. Sodium toxicity and potassium deficiency are avoided in a table salt that contains sufficient potassium to balance its sodium content, according to Dr Gilbert and others.
In addition, Dr West affirms that each cell is an electrical generator, depending for its function upon the delicate mineral balance in and around the cell. Being a biochemical balance of the essential minerals and trace elements, BioSALT can contribute to this delicate balance and can also help compensate for some of the mineral deficiencies in various of our foods.
BioSALT has a delicate flavor and is fine-textured. It is not a salt substitute or a low-sodium or sodium-reduced product. It is an agreeable flavor enhancement recommended as an alternative to ordinary table salt.
Ordinary Table Salt
Many doctors readily acknowledge that ordinary table salt, which is almost 100% sodium chloride, can produce harmful effects in the body. The common concern is the sodium/potassium ionic imbalance
Dr Henry Gilbert, an early pioneer in this field, found that if ordinary table salt “had all the other salts of the body combined with it in correct physiological proportion, it would be a food; but when only one element is present, the mineral balance of the body is completely upset, and so the body is poisoned.”
He further explains that ordinary salt interferes with the normal flow of all the fluids of the body and so tends to increase susceptibility to colds and other infectious ailments. It creates mineral imbalances and a relative deficiency of every other mineral constituent of the body. Then by displacing potassium in the cells, it causes a potassium deficiency.
Biochemist Jacques Loeb also affirms that sodium chloride is poisonous to protoplasm unless combined with other essential elements.
In addition, Dr C Samuel West, a noted researcher on the lymphatic system, claims that ordinary table salt upsets the delicate mineral balance in and around the cell, thus interfering with the electrical function of the cell.
Paying it Forward
I got a great confidence booster, mentally, when I, all by myself, represented MutherlyLuv at Radiate wellness (By Cannakula). I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous not having Brandy, my MutherlyLuv partner, with me!
To help me, mentally and physically, I game planned and was lucky to be able to get my cousin and a friend to help me. We all talked before the event and during setup at the event; we talked about how I was feeling physically and emotionally/ mentally, we scoped out the bathrooms and they helped me create a game plan on how to handle various possible scenarios and…we did it, I did it! I survived the day! Actually, I got to enjoy the day, thanks to the planning and support from my friends! And it was amazing! ALL of it!.
I just love the vibe created at these events by Cannakula…the people, the vendors, the atmosphere, the focus on health and healing-physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You do not have to be a patient to attend these events, they are open to the public, however, IF you are a patient, then there is an area for patients to medicate, with vendors that had infused samples too, before and during the event. These events are usually BYOC (Bring Your Own Cannabis).
My cousin works at Altwaters. The owner and founder is Carol Kepler. She is an intuitive. I love the conversations (readings) with her; her suggestions have been spot on. During our most recent conversation, Carol said that Crohn’s, the disease itself is not really very active in me right now, that the symptoms and issues I am having are related more to my emotions and the brain gut axis (connection) is causing the perpetuation of my symptoms (so to speak) keeping me from reaching optimal health and remission.
I found that interesting. Then during that same week, my biofeedback session showed that Crohn’s was only negatively impacting me @20% (70% rectified or improved since Sept 2016 when Crohn’s was negatively impacting me @90%).
So it appears to me that my Crohn’s is continuing to improve. It also appears to me that my dive into my emotions and my emotional/ mental healing is the right next step. It is time I dive into the emotions and get over this last hurdle, repair the brain-gut axis and beat Crohn’s’s into submission! However, I think the key to my long term success in keeping Crohn’s under control and totally managed is going to be finding the right maintenance dose of RSO to maintain a healthy, balanced ECS, keeping my stress in check, and truly learning to put my self care first with consistency..like in the scenario of a plane crash and putting on my oxygen mask first, before I could help others-my self care is the same concept.
To help repair the gut-brain axis, I am diving deeper into meditation and adding mantras. During a discussion with my friend about my struggles/ frustrations with mind chatter during my meditation, she suggested adding mantras. She suggested using Wheels of Light by Beautiful Chorus on youtube and…I have to say that I am loving them!
“Translated from Sanskrit, mantra means “sound tool” and they have also seen that by practicing mantra, the human brain has a strong response, focused on and influenced by the message of the mantra, along with the nervous system being affected by the vibration caused by chanting the mantra. And with mantra, you are focusing on a word or short phrase in your mind and possibly chanting it, repeating it over and over, whether that is in Sanskrit, or your primary language. By focusing on this word or words, you’re disabling other words and thoughts to enter your mind.”
“Neuroscientists, equipped with advanced brain-imaging tools, are beginning to quantify and confirm some of the health benefits of this ancient practice, such as its ability to help free your mind of background chatter and calm your nervous system.”
I want to acknowledge there are many challenges I face daily, I still have daily struggles…but they are becoming less and less. As I continue to research, talk, share and learn, my tools for coping are getting better and better, stronger and stronger.
Things still trigger me and upset me, both emotionally mentally and physically, whether it be about my health or something related to addiction or anything really (I admit it, my thinking has gotten seriously distorted between chronic illness and living with addicts/ alcoholics) and I still react in my old irrational patterns at times, but I am learning to switch my reaction and handle things differently, learning to reframe my view, my perspectives and interpretations…not always better, but I am looking for “progress, not perfection”, healing is not linear and, after all, I am only human.
But I am strong.